Never Too Late!

Never Too Late!
any resemblance to anyone real or imaginary is mere bad luck
we are all lying in the gutter, but some of us are trying to get up


He holds him with his skinny hand,
"There was a ship," quoth he.
'Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!'
Eftsoons his hand dropped he.
Chief Mess Officer's log:

Adrift off Looe, gentle swell. Crackle of West Country voices over the VHF. Attempting to cook a meal for three crew on gently rocking small gas stove. Gentle breaths of breeze strong enough to blow out a small flame but not strong enough to sail under.

"Food will be ready in three-and-a-half or seven minutes exactly."
"In three-and-a-half or seven minutes exactly?"
"It's the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. While the lid is on, the notional food inside exists in a state of quantum uncertainty. It is only when I remove the lid that the quantum waveform collapses into a definite state..."

We have been becalmed out here all day and are probably delirious with hunger and sun.
Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.
"Oh shit! I forgot to put in the Higgs bosons! They could ripple back through time to before when I started cooking, and cooking time might increase to theoretical infinity. We might be stuck in a quantum time loop, just like in Dr Who... We're really fucked now..."
Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
"Oh good. I have removed the lid, and the rice has collapsed into a... into a 'Mexican risotto-type thing' quantum state. I have hereby prepared a delicious meal, and disproved all that pseudo-scientific gibber in Dr Who as well. As Chief Mess Officer, it is naturally within my mandate to conduct physics experiments on the gas stove."